Thursday, September 13, 2007

Democrats Top 10 Complaints About Gen. Petraeus

10) Low energy, bad lip-synching, and looks flabby in a two-piece.

9) Kept interrupting speech to hand out new contracts to Halliburton

8) Secretly replaced Ted Kennedy's gin with water, leading to an unsightly episode of DT's.

7) Repeatedly dropped second and third syllables of Bushitler.

6) Didn't demonstrate bipartisan objectivity by surrendering microphone to Code Pink protesters.

5) Forgot to acknowledge Democrats' hard work in supporting the troops.

4) Wore medals on chest instead of throwing them over a fence.

3) Tested microphone by saying "I have a plan for Iraq" in mocking, high-pitched John Kerry voice.

2) Careless omission of the words, "failure", "quagmire", and "Vietnam".

And the #1 Democratic complaint about Petraeus's Iraq report (see extended entry):

1) His eerie resemblance to Fifth Element's Jean-Baptiste Emanuel Zorg: