Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Come On, Get Heppe!

"It's a time when accidents can happen." That's the reason that Willett Elementary School principal Gaylene Heppe gives when asked why she has banned tag, touch football and all "chasing games" from her school in Attleboro, MA.

"Banning everything that creates the opportunity for accidents" seems like a bizarre standard to me, but who am I to disagree with a loony goverment-school bureaucrat? If she really means it, if she really believes banning tag at recess is a rational decision based on the "when accidents can happen" standard, then there's a lot more danger out there that good citizens must address.

Like eating. When is the ONLY time a child can accidentally choke to death on a piece of food? While eating. It's gotta be banned.

How about writing? That would involve a pencil--you know, a long, wooden stick sharpened to a razor point? Well, these death sticks have obviously gotta go, too.

Oh, and what school administator can, in good conscience, continue to allow the life-threatening danger our children are exposed to every time they climb into their parents' cars? Hundreds of children die every year in these killing machines. If we can't let kids run around a sandlot, we surely can't stand by and allow them to tempt fate hurtling down an asphalt strip at 70 mph in a metal can with 20 gallons of explosive fuel strapped to the chassis. It's an OUTRAGE!

Or at least, it's an outrage if one takes Ms. Heppe's argument seriously. As of this writing, the Attleboro school administration is doing just that.